I am feeling much better today, my thoughts are settled, calm and I’m not feeling fractured anymore. I started this blog to tell my story of how I became a prevailer and to do that I have to tell you how it was and what I had to ‘get over’ but it turns out that for my mental wellness I need to interject with what is working for me today.
For decades life was a series of things that happened to me, not for me or with me, but one detached event after another that I had no control over. Once I had healed enough to believe I could control my life, I was able to set to work acquiring the necessary skills to do just that. One of those skills is ‘Mindfulness’, It isn’t just the latest therapy craze, it is the product of meditation. When I take the time to quiet my mind, even only 5 – 10 minutes, a day I have much better days. I practice being present for most of the moments in my day these days and that has made it possible for me to make decisions that are in my own best interest.
One of those recent decisions has taken my time, energy and focus for a couple of weeks, I have gotten my B driver’s license again and am returning to School bus driving! I did this for a few years over a decade ago, but major depression took me out of the game back then. Even though I was in a depression, I tried retraining through the government’s Second Career program but unfortunately, the government was overwhelmed with interest in this program and they suspended it for 6 months to re-vamp it. By then, my EI had run out, I had given notice at my little bachelor pad and I faced homelessness for the first time. This was in 2009, shortly after losing my brother-in-law to suicide, I was completely alone and in a major depression. Wow, I am blown away that I not only survived this time, but I have prevailed! I have become my own advocate and best friend since then. These are the reasons I want to share my journey with everyone if I can prevail, anyone can! Needless to say, I hope my long, winding road keeps going a long, long time, I have a lot of things I want to do!
I left off in 1979 when I had become very active in AA and was certain that sobriety would solve my issues. When it didn’t seem to, I became convinced that getting as thin as I could would solve the problems that AA couldn’t. I also met a man who would transform my life at this time, Russell.
Russell was an Algonquin Native who I fell completely and co-dependently in love with. He struggled with sobriety and self-esteem but he treated me better than any man had before.
I am going to leave the story there for now and write on those days next time. Thank you for following my story and I encourage you to subscribe and share it too.
much love, Lyn